Letter from a Liar
by WildWolfMoon
Summary: Dear Kuro-myu, You're never going to get this letter. Which is why I'm writing it.
1. Letter from a Liar

Dear Kuro-myu,

You're never going to get this letter.

Which is why I'm writing it. If I knew you were going to get this, I wouldn't write it, wouldn't even begin to put the first letter on the page. Not that you could read it, anyway.

I'm a coward, I know. You always called me that, when you were being serious. "Mage", "idiot" and "bastard" were for everything else. But now that I think about it, I realize you've never called me by my name. You've never called me Fai.

Even if that's not my name. I suppose you were right when you said I was living a lie. I don't even tell the truth when someone asks for my name. You would hate me if you ever found this out. But the point of this letter is to say what I'm never going to, just so I don't burst from hiding everything about me from you.

Fai would be disappointed in me, wouldn't he. Not me Fai, that Fai. The one who's name I stole. The one I killed. My dear brother. The one who's body is lying in Celes, waiting for me to return so I can revive him.

Can the dead wait, Kuro-chi? Or are they just there, content with where ever the dead go after life? It's something I wonder about frequently. About whether Death has a world. Maybe we'll fall into it one day, and I'll be able to apologize to everyone....that I've hurt. So many people that I can't even remember all their names.

Death is such a strange thing. It exists only to give us pain, doesn't it? Life enjoys hurting us, and laughing as we pick ourselves up and go on with this hopeless, endless fight.

Even lying through my teeth, painted with a smile, can't change my world views. Or worlds. The universe is so much bigger than I thought it was, Kuro-rin! I can run forever, no matter what you say.

Or maybe I can't. The problem with these millions of worlds is that I'll never be able to stay in one. So I can't run forever, Kuro-woof. Does it please you to know you're right?

This letter is longer than I thought it would be. And far more confusing, as my thoughts are all trying to get onto the page at the same time.

You'll have to make do, because you're never going to read this anyway.

I want to stop lying, Kuro-nya. I really want to.

That's not the full truth. Let me phrase it so it is true, so I'm not just lying, even for a moment.

I want to be able to tell you the truth. You, and only you. The children don't need to hear anything other than lies from someone as filthy as I am. It could only hurt them.

Btu you know me. Or not me, because you don't know a thing about my past, what I like, what I think, what my views are. But you know when I'm lying, so you must know _me_, the person no one else seems able to see.

I'm losing my mind, Kuro-naa. Or I think I am.

Because I'm lying, and the truth is slipping out, and I'm cracking, and falling, and dying, and living, and flying. My head's spinning, and it's so clear at the same time.

I hate you, you know. Because you're breaking my barriers. You're seeing _me_, not me. _Me_ doesn't want to be seen. It'd been fine with hiding forever. But you're forcing _me_ out, and making me face the bright sunshine I've been hiding from.

And I love you. Because you understand me. You listen to me, although I am an "idiot". You worry for me and our family, our two kids. Our Sakura and our Syaoran.

But please...don't try to save me. I'm already too far gone to be helped.

But even this broken heart and ruined soul can love. And I love you, Kurogane. I love you so much that it hurts. Because I can't love you. I'm suppose to kill you, for God's sake. You're my enemy, and I can't afford to fall in love with my enemy!

It's too late.

I'll always love you. And I'll always hate you. But the love is stronger, and that is what scares me.

I'm sorry.

Fai D. Flowright

_

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_**Author's Comment: **Fai's such an interesting character. He's so complex, and I don't think he's very self-confidant.

Yeah, I wrote KuroFai.

And enough ranting, i should work on something that actually needs doing.

And feedback, please! This is my first time trying out KuroFai, after all, I wanna know how I did.


	2. Words from a Warrior

Dear mage,

Thank god you can't read Japanese. You're sitting in front of me, giving me a clueless look as you study the words you can't read. Thank heavens Majuu's powers only apply to spoken word.

Fuck. Even now it's hard to talk, with you sitting directly across from me, just staring at me with your dammed big eyes! Damn you mage, go away! You make everything so fucking difficult! Do you know your god dammed irritating?!

Now you're giving me the clueless look 'cause I'm growling at the paper. You're going to ask if I'm fine in a minute, and when I say I am, you're going to turn away with that tiny smile you think I never fucking notice.

And see, there. You just did it. You don't give a damn that I growled at you, because it doesn't matter I did if I'm fine, even if you're not.

Did you honestly think I don't hear you cry at night? You wait until the kids are asleep, and until my breathing has slowed and I'm perfectly still before you start sobbing.

First of all, if you don't want anyone to notice you're not fine, don't cry. Second, did you really think no one would care? The kids adore you; the Manjuu loves you. Third, it doesn't matter what happened in your past, dammit. Live now!

I'm not going to pry into your fucking past. That can be something you keep completely secret. But you should answer some of the kids' questions instead of smiling and dodging the fucking question. You can't run forever. Sooner or later, you'll get caught, by whoever you're running from.

Look, you have problems. So do the kids. The princess's never going to remember the kid, no matter what he does, and all he can do is smile blandly and hope they're still going to be friends. Kid's fucking blind, for some reason he's not telling.

What happened to me doesn't matter, because I'm living now. So stop being so hung up on whatever happened in Celas or Cetal or whatever the world you came from is called.

If you constantly wear a mask, people who can't see past it will make assumptions for you, and decide for you, and you do not want that. I'm not saying you need to tell me your fucking life story, just don't give me that god dammed smile all the time!

And will you stop trying to grab the paper?! It's not like you can read it anyway. You'll just give it a blank smile, hand it back and say sorry Kuro-pipi or whatever awful name you can come up with. Is that the only way you know how to handle being around me? Bugging me to the brink of insanity?!

Fuck. If you would stop annoying me, I could finish this. Stupid mage.

Have I ever called you by your name? I'm not going to until you call me by mine without tacking on some irritating honorific, if it can even be called that. Stupid Fai.

Look, mage. Take a breath and calm down. No one here's going to hurt you. The princess hasn't got a mean in her body, something that may harm her more than it helps her. She'd give her last yen away to a fucking beggar.

Kid wouldn't dream of hurting you either. He's been so hurt himself.

I wouldn't either, dammit. Because you're fucking right. We – the kid, the manjuu, the princess, you, me – somehow became a family.

It sounds so much better in my head than on paper.

But just relax, mage. I'm not going to hurt you.

I don't hurt those I love. Even if they are the most annoying bastards I have ever met. And I'll never, ever hurt you if I can help it. I swear.

Kurogane.

-PS STOP DOODLING ON THE FUCKING PAPER, MAGE! I'LL KILL YOU!

_

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_**Author's Comment: **Fai's letter to Kurogane was so much better. I hate this one.


End file.
